Not The Onion

So secure was the annual contest to fill three director and four officer positions that when one trustee lost his cryptographic key to unlock the results, the error made it impossible.

Mr. Trump's perseverance as a peacemaker is unpredictable.

The CNN anchor helped turn a DOGE employee’s unfortunate nickname into the punchline of the night.

Tesla mogul will head up Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) with Vivek Ramaswamy, to ‘dismantle bureaucracy and slash regulations’